No cover up

Any post that requires some kind of a preface always sees me flicking my thumbs with my pointer fingers over the keyboard, second-guessing how much you care to know about how I live. But I think I'm already quite open about lots of things and this won't be a long post but it's something that I've been thinking about a fair bit recently and honest writing is something I'm trying to practice here so hey!


I am, quite honourably and quite proudly, a concerned vault of information. There seems to be something inherently meek about me that makes people feel quite comfortable with turning me all confidante. It's important for you to know that I am really amazed and proud and amazed again that people trust me to speak to about more than the weather. I'm allowed to know things and I'm grateful for the entire process, because by being the listener I learn about empathy and kindness and being a trustworthy person and the speaker is relieved and spirited and pleased to share the load of this heavy life with someone else. It's all about expressing feelings through the filter of our life experiences I think. 


I talk a lot about mulling it over and I just think that there is no where near enough mulling going on these days. I'm always up to my waist in diaries and songs and drawings and scrapbooks and recordings that each document a different snapshot of how I felt about something or another at any one point in time. I talk to my Mum like friends talk to me about things that frighten me and excite me and make me laugh. 


But it seems to me like people just don't do expression much at all, in normal life (this is assuming that my existence isn't normal and from first hand experience I cautiously stand by that). It could be that I notice the lack of expression a lot more outside the electric confines of music/art school, however I think the premise remains. 


Without these things that I create I would be an overflowing emotional mess (more so than normal) and hideous to accompany anywhere. I simply do not understand how people keep a lid on their feelings like they seem to do, when I see 'people', like just the general populous, walking to uni, on trains, you know. I just do not understand. Perhaps that's not a great example because no one is visibly creating when they are walking to work...but I do get the general vibe from my time in other people's normal lives that art and music and all that is just a thing that happens...when in my head it's just as vital as a heart that beats. Shouldn't it be? 


But yeah anyway. I just think we should all talk more about our feelings and make everybody everybody's confidantes. That was supposed to be the main point of this post but as usual I thought about one thing then thought about a trillion different things at the same time. Another point I'm making in the last paragraph (whatever) is stigma is everywhere and should be banished. It's OK to ask for help and it's OK to see doctors about sicknesses that are not physical and it's OK to stay in bed for three days as long as you still get up at the end.