i'm curled up in the corner of the sinked-in cane couch in the back room of the dream cave. how lucky i am to have a little plastic vine stroking the top of my head (it's ok it's just the cave saying 'i love u, little human'). how lucky i am to be already in a state of constant unpredictable buzz, to never need to agree to pills or anything like that. i have already sacrificed control over my head to my heart and i used to so sing proudly about it but now it's been two years and i still run 10 treadmill-kilometres away from last nights' endeavours. you guys shake your heads at the comedown like it's a hill you climbed up that you gotta climb down. sometimes i feel like i'm running down the same hill you know, so fast like a little kid, so fast so my legs become like magnets to the ground gathering speed as i go. i leave you suckers in my wake, then i meet you halfway back up again before you reach the summit without me. you guys shine and giggle and i'm a funny taylor swift song mother sitting in on something so close but so unfamiliar. i wonder what it must be like to know for sure that feeling something is not knowing it. i wonder what it must be like to run only for pleasures' sake, like on that episode of friends where phoebe runs like a little kid through central park because that's the only way it's any fun. i love to run but i dream of the day i don't think about it. i sing loudly and defiantly to the pop songs on the radio when i'm driving home from singing to all of you guys about all this stuff. i worry a lot about not much but i do not worry about you knowing all this stupid shit, 'cause i know it's stupid. my little cartoon heart clears its throat and taps me on the shoulder to disagree but i know, i know it's dumb to worry about such things. it took me too long to learn but i did it and i'm proud. (i listen to 'running up that hill' and i try to do it too)
I haven't posted in ages and I've found my desire to post as regularly as I normally used to is lacking a little, mainly because I feel as though I'm repeating myself a LITTLE bit...but I feel like it's all good if I just come back here when I feel like it, because they'll be the best posts anyway. I've been keeping up with things in all my other online lives so if you're on Instagram, Soundcloud or Tumblr, hmu.
I feel actually good about the end of semester, I'm pretty proud of the work that I did and happy with the way things ended. I'm looking forward to next semester, particularly the trip to New York which is going to be so ridiculous and amazing and I'm very excited! Lately my life has been a little in a loop of uni, work, bands, exercise, eat, gigs, sleep, uni, work, bands etc...and it feels good, although sometimes one section of the loop takes over the other sections and everything gets all tipped over but generally, my life is in sync. Lewis and I celebrated our two year (2!) anniversary a couple of days ago, which is purely ludicrous and I've suddenly been struck by the realisation that time really does fly when you're having fun. It seems like yesterday, and yet it doesn't, when we were hanging out in a stranger-house, sitting next to each other with a little Jack Russell dog in between, watching Blues Brothers and eating TimTams. It was a lovely dream and I treasure that time, like I treasure the time now, in our little world of music and kisses and making breakfasts for each other. Some vibes 4 u:
I have a teacher at uni who I meet with on a weekly basis to talk about my work. Last week I was telling him about the idea behind this song ~ |even though i'm weird, and little, and moody and crazy and normal-looking , one day i'm gonna make it, i'm going to be successful and magnificent and you better watch out, everyone better watch out, 'cause i'm coming for your job| and he told me he'd never thought about anything like that before and I felt weird and good. It's not about being cocky, it's just about believing in yourself.
