Here is a picture of me looking serious trying to be a composer with my composer jumper on.
Yeah it's not the same.
Today I was thinking about ruts and how to make them. Not ruts in the normal sense but like ruts in our systems; say we are born whole, with no dents or bits missing or anything and as we grow and learn and live our experiences become indented into us so that, if all this was literal, we'd be little bits and pieces and banged up and glued together and everything.
Anyway I like the idea of ruts especially, because in my head, I see life-ruts like those wheel marks in dirt roads, or the space between a person's ribs wide enough for fingers to splay out into. Something that's only been made because of a pattern repeated a million times - like knowing you'll never stop caring about someone, no matter how much they upset you or frighten you or treat you badly.
That 'I just don't think I'll ever get over you' kind of love is a life-rut, I think. Loving someone so long and so hard like that makes grooves in our systems, and dents and things, you know. And they're not always bad, but I mean it all depends.
I also feel like everything creative ever can be scooped out of the life-ruts we have, where everything beautiful and imaginative pools like a picture I saw once of a skinny girl holding jellybeans in the space inside her collarbones.
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