21

I'm writing this to you from my SICKBED (which is coincidentally also my normal bed), as I'm listening back to a tune I've been working on for the last couple of days (work been delayed by the mucus-y vocal tone that I'm rocking right now, 0/10 do not recommend). I'm very frustrated by sickness in general and had a lil bit of a bumpy health ride the last couple of months (physical/mental) so I was JUST getting back on my feet when I got slapped around the face with another cold! Buuuhhhhh. But yesterday my sister was talking about her boss who has rheumatoid arthritis which is an awful, debilitating illness that makes me so, so grateful for the health that I have. So I don't really have any right to complain huh...

Last night I went to the LuWow to see KB do their thang and it was really fun...our friend works behind the bar there so I kept going up to get drinks and chatting away without realising til later that I had a bigger pile of change in my hand than I was expecting (thanks grrlfriend if u read this!) Weirdly I felt like I hadn't been out in like forever and all I'd been doing is blowing my nose into napkins at work etc so I don't know I felt very free, especially on the train ride there. I love trains at night because I'm usually headed somewhere fun and it's all very nostalgic and there are hardly any people and I like to imagine stories for the people who are there, where they're going, is that person they like going to be where they're headed and secretly deciding to root for them or not in my brain...I like to put on really ~moving~ songs and get all worked up into a little ball of feelings and play my life out like a video clip, daydreaming about the day when I can really live my life like that and not just in little made-up minutes on the train at 10pm, you know how it is. Anyway yeah so last night was fun even though I had a cold even though I wore the wrong shoes and even though the LuWow shut at midnight (?). 

Anyway I wrote this thing about how I'm very scared of turning 21 but I think I might also be a little bit excited about it too. I'm going to try and keep posting regularly but sometimes things happen and I have to be a real world person you know how it is. Much love to you. 

^^ COME TO THIS OK BYE ^^

Yeah/Alright

then i'm gonna break your heart
should've probably told you from the start
but i'm lazy
and i don't want anything

yeah 

(alright)

Some recent words:

maybe one day i'll stop tripping over my own feet

but not today

i'll be crushin' pills and killing it still 

delicate and dilate don't you forget it

and i know that i'm a fire starting handful

a hurricane and little tangled

circuits. have you noticed?

you are all i need

and i need it now

you hold my bones upright

kissing stitches tight

all across my ribs, my skin and my cheeks

my heart beat, beat, beat.

I know she knows she knows

I thought I'd better update since I haven't in a week or so! 

My hair is greeny-blue with roots hanging out and I'm gonna let it be for a while because I am poor and the colour's all mermaid-y so it'll do for now. I've been having porridge for breakfast with peanut butter all swirled around it and it's so delicious every night before I go to sleep I look forward to it in the morning no kidding. I've been learning French for a couple of months now and even though I would like more time on my hands to practice I've definitely improved heaps, et ma prof aime mes fleurs, c'est bon...

I've been thinking about my life when I'm older, where I'll be living, travelling, will I be who I want to be, will I be singing in my bands around the world like I want right now? Will I want something else? What will I look like? Will I still be running, eating porridge, giggling? It's stuff that sits in my head all the time, along with some other stuff I wish wasn't there, and some stuff I'm super glad to have so close. 

just another drawn out trouble
for you and i
.

Welcome to the dream cave

lying on a blow up mattress next to my friends all except one who’s on poppers and can’t stop moving i’m so sleepy but i hear people laughing about it so i open up my eyes like a little kid trying to get a later bedtime

they built a dream cave with streamers and smoke machines and i climb in through the window checking on the chicken nuggets they pick them up with chopsticks and i can’t stop thinking about it

i feel so sick but it passes in a minute out of the cab stepping into the air

stony sleep creeping crawling into bed swimming dreamy inside my head

(i guess all you need to remember is that it's gonna be alright in the end and if it's not alright it's not the end)

Siiiigh

A quick one today: I have so many things to do and I don't feel like doing any of 'em. If you haven't seen it yet, please watch our clip for Fault In Our Stars...shoutout to the beautiful and generous and talented folk at Point Cool Productions who made this whole thing a thing! Me and Lew watched the final draft for the first time, sitting comfortable and warm in Oscar's lounge room with Jack who was wearing slippers and Oscar's parents too...it was so nice with the boys crunching chips between their teeth and their old dog scratching her ear. Siiiiigh...OK watch pls: