Intimacy

I decide on who I want to be usually on a daily basis and today I am a composer. Here's a picture of me being a composer just thinking about like, ya know, composing and stuff. 

I worked for a BAJILLION hours today trying to write and for once I actually got somewhere. It's like 7.30PM now and I just feel really tired, and I wish I liked movies more so I could just watch one and not think about things for like two seconds. That would be so nice, instead of listening to this song and crying my eyes out for no actual legitimate reason. Well anyway the lyrics to this song are too gorgeous and too perfect to hide away so scroll down to the bottom of this post for a mind blow. 


Instead of being normal and watching movies and going outside I thought a little more about what I wrote about last night/early this morning - about being 'in love' with all these things. It's funny because the way I use the phrase 'in love' is steeped in both positive and really negative connotations. I think Nick Cave once said something like 'there's no such thing as a happy song', which I totally agree with. I always thought that the whole idea of 'love' is just a culmination of the strongest human emotions all rolled up into one, then directly fired at someone else. It's dangerous, it's a weapon, it's frightening because it's strong and ugly and complicated. I don't see love as this whole, pure thing - it's everything we are, when it's done right. 


So when I say I'm in love with loaded questions, for example, I adore them and I hate them. They make me so angry but without them, how would we live? Imagine if no one ever placed a hand on your knee, looked at you with a tilty-sympathy head and said 'so...how are you?' 


God, I don't know. Sometimes I think that that song is wrong, you know - 'what the world, needs now, is love, sweet love...'

'signs' --- bloc party

Two ravens in the old oak tree, one for you and one for me

Bluebells in the late December, I see signs now all the time

The last time we slept together, there was something that was not there

You never wanted to alarm me but I'm the one that's drowning now

I could sleep forever these days because in my dreams I see you again

But this time fleshed out fuller face in your confirmation dress

It was so like you to visit me to let me know you were ok

It was so like you visit me, always worrying about someone else

At your funeral I was so upset, so upset,

in your life you were larger than this

statuesque

I see signs now, all the time - that you're not dead, you're sleeping.

I believe in anything that brings you back home to me.