We shed what was left of our summer skin

I am literally terrified of time off. I hate it, I hate it, I HATE it. I hate the idea of the holidays that are coming up with minimal commitments and lots of free days so much it practically gives me a panic attack just thinking about it. Which I hate because I really really do love summer a lot! Like are you guys aware of this song??? Too much, I practically started crying on the cross trainer yesterday! Listen ~ ~ 

I know I could just plan lots of things and get a ~summer~ job and go vegan or whatever but then I get creeped out by the fact that relaxing is just not an option for me and I'll probably end up dropping dead of a heart attack when I'm like forty or whatever. So I want to like duct tape myself to the couch or something and put on a season of Bob's Burgers and just DELETE every part of my brain that thinks about food and bodies and work and money and the ~future~ and just fucking un-clench for once you know. 

Lewis said the other day that he could see my little brain working overtime and sometimes I forget that my head literally never stops ever. It's constantly refreshing and flipping backwards and forwards and making truly absurd and cruel connections between words that come in and the thoughts provoked by them. I have tried meditation etc to quieten things down and it can work but unfortunately the vicious cycle goes on like my brain won't stop, meditation becomes impossible, brain continues to get louder and louder and meditation is more and more impossible and I feel lazy and stupid after the whole thing!!! 

This is all too much information but I just would like to please click the off switch in my head sometimes and lie on the couch all day and not feel bad about it!