Hello world

Just in case we need any more reasons why I am the biggest dork in the world, here is one: I have been painting my room this week and while I've been painting I've been watching The Saddle Club on my laptop and being sad about not having a horse anymore even though I stopped riding in year 11 when I thought school was more important which is so dumb like I miss having my horse so much because I could just go down to the paddock and she would always be there and she was so beautiful and when I was riding and we were galloping or jumping like it is literally one of the best feelings in the world and I'm such a clumsy dork in real life so to be able to fly at the speed and feel graceful and strong and not alone because you have this huge amazing animal with you is just like unbeatable and I would tell her all my secrets and problems and she would just be happy to be brushed and fed and I would hug her around the neck and she'd be totally indifferent but it would be nice anyway...sigh. 

I have this huge love of animals that I think I sometimes just forget that I have! I mean with all the other stuff I have going on it's totally impractical for me to even think about taking up riding again right now but I really do miss it. And there's a part of me that will always, always be that lil ten year old girl reading Pony Pals and collecting model horses and writing stories about brumbies and going to my weekend riding lesson and cleaning saddles and just dreaming about ponies and horses and being a great rider etc. I miss how simple that obsession was ya know, like everyone knew I was the 'horse girl' and that was it, I loved horses and there was like nothing else to my life at that time. It sounds kind of sad now that I write it out but you know like it was a nice thing to be able to identify with, like that was my *thing* and I didn't need to be any more complicated than that...or something. I dunno. It made my life simple at that time when I was already having problems with anxiety and worrying about silly things ya know.