I understand why you did those awful things

Tonight I am listening to Murcof, an electronic artist that my friend and mentor recommended to me during our lesson the other day. A large part of my creative soul just wants to make beautiful soundscapes that you listen and listen and listen to and before you know it 15 minutes has passed and you've been floating on a dream the whole time. I think there are so many breathtakingly gorgeous sounds out there that need to be noticed and I feel like a lot of sound collage/sampling/soundscapes really capture them. Anyway buuhhh art skool ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Last night Cactus Channel side-project Karate Boogaloo played with Up Up Away and The Do Yo Thangs at the John Curtin and I went and even sung a lil tune just to spice things up (I sung this): 

and it was really fun. I spoke to my very first love for a while, he was there performing too, and we reminisced about high school and silly sixteen year old times. He offered me a mint like he had done back when we would hold hands under the table during class, and it made me smile in a 'oh god i'm in the real world now and i'm getting old' kinda way. Then I had another glass of wine and got up to sing:

i wanna live

i wanna give

i've been a miner for a heart of gold

it's these expressions 

i never give

keeps me searchin' for a heart of gold 

and i'm gettin' old

Oh man am I getting old. Anyway today I got a ~solo~ in the soul and gospel choir I'm in for this semester. I find the concept of solos within choirs pretty hilarious because I sing solo all the fucking time, it's my job, but even so there's something particularly special about singing just a single line and then merging back into the group. Maybe I just like being picked. Whatever. 

I don't have a soul or gospel-y voice by any means. But I think my voice is the one thing about myself that I could never hate. I am so proud of the way I can just sing, like a bird, because even though I was blessed with a nice-sounding voice to start with, I have worked for hours, days, years, to be able to sing the way I do now. Of course I'm still working at it, it's a neverending process. But I'm so proud of where I am now, and I when I sing I feel strong, and honest, and unbreakable. And even though it sounds really corny, and I'm usually singing about one heartbreak or another, I feel the truly at peace when I am singing. I can be whoever I want to be, and I'm the ruler of my own destiny. 

i've been in my mind

it's such a fine line

that keeps me searchin' for a heart of gold

and i'm gettin' old