Kind of like those expensive sandwich toasters with settings that can toast your sandwich infinitesimal amounts of ways, there are also infinitesimal degrees of sadness. I have officially finished high school and in a matter of weeks, all remnants of exams and classes and homework and schoolbags will be erased from my existence, and, for the first time in more than a year, I will be allowed to just 'be'.
I'm sadder than I thought I was. Thinking about teachers calling me 'quietly intense' quoting Sylvia Plath in conversation gymnasium acoustics of whole-school assemblies those cardboard recycling bins stealing Blutack spending days upon days with the same people same clothes same classes same books I think I'm losing all the little bits of my head that are glued together with routine.
I spoke, in the below post, about losing everything at once and feeling as though it's the best thing to possibly happen. I feel very much as though leaving school will be the best thing that's ever happened to me, and to the people in my year level too. But in some ways, this year has been one of the best - and among the worst - things that's ever happened to me, too. Struggling with the very new experience of true 'bittersweet'.
The above picture is what my body is left with after yesterday - a bracelet in my school house colours, a stamp to let me in to the year 12 party and a number to allow me access to 'booze bag no. 19'. What is not pictured are the bruises that are sprinkled all over my body from the various joviality of the day and night previous - celebratory spear tackling and violent cross dressing and truly liberated and cliched dancing in the rain.
I will miss the familiarity of school and I will miss the people I met there. I am sad, but like everything ever - I know it won't last.
This post doesn't offer any true insight into anything, or even an adequate description of the past few days, but so consumed am I by the end of high school life and subsequent entrance into the 'real world', I can't help but only talk about one thing. I promise I will explain the below artwork, which is actually a sound installation - but this is another story for another day.
leaving school is truly, truly bittersweet. the thing is, now that i'm not at school anymore, i find that there are things -about- school that i miss, but as a whole i dont miss school. it's sort of difficult to explain but i guess you'll see it yourself if you haven't already.
ReplyDeleteyou guys are making me feel old though, i cant say i have 'just graduated' anymore. =P
good luck with your exams, but i am sure you will do superbly. x