The Hanging Rock Chorale

Uuuuurgh, basically. 

I overhauled my whole room in a hurricane mess of "holy shit i'm twenty fucking years old I need to sort my life out" and it took ages and you know how when you're cleaning you have to make an even bigger mess to sort through the original mess??? That's what happened to me except it was like the apocalypse of messes which is so embarrassing and disgusting but it's much cleaner and clearer now. I was just telling my Mum how I'm sick of everything and I'm sick of having so many ~things~ around me all the time and I just want to sleep on a mattress on the floor with my piano and my books and my laptop next to me. So I went crazy and dragged my incredibly heavy bed out of my room along with a whole lot of other useless junk and put my mattress on the floor and here I am now, three hours later. 

It was quite therapeutic to throw all my weight against my ridiculously heavy bed and just get it out of my life - same with bagging up all my old stuff, clothes, schoolwork etc, and just making brutal executive decisions to either store it somewhere or throw it out or give back to good old Savers. It reminds me of why I keep up running - one foot in front of the other, stomping out every negative thought until your body is just endorphins. 

I get a real kick out of working until I cannot move, running stupid kilometres and singing about very private matters in front of lots of people. I am the busiest and the most stressed  I have ever been in my entire life and I think it's an instinctual thing for me to want to strip my bedroom of all mess and unnecessary things. 

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ #angst# ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

i remember when we got drunk at the old pub on johnston street 

(we accidentally bought dessert wine that had no alcohol in it but you 

never want to waste anything so you skulled in right in front of me

and smashed the bottle in the bin in the alley.

i could drink a case of you, you know, like the song -

i'm a mess of pieces but you keep me togetheri'm going to follow you everywhere and forever)

and you said you'd marry me

(and your heart pounds out of its chest when we lie in bed and i can't 

be close enough to you until i become you and even if every smoker in the 

world was smoking their last cigarette i feel more hopeful than every one of them 

when i'm lying in your arms even if i'm dying even if i'm crying you keep me one foot 

in front of the other you pure and holy creature)

and i said i would marry you 

(but if i die before i do 

burn my body

and my writing books too

you know 

my veins already burn with love)