Never to come out

~+~+~+~+~

i wasn't sure

if i wanted to drive into a tree

or drive to your house.

it was dark (2.04pm)

in my head, then, when

i was crying in my car

crushing pills in my pocket

soaking my dress, chest heaving -

nothing to live for. no hope, 

no joy, no reason to remember

me, who seemed to 

have such a temper, such a mood

not soon enough gone too soon.

i wasn't sure

if i wanted to drive into a tree

or drive to your house.

i wasn't sure,

so i drove to your house -

and the sun shone through your doorway

and you stood in that doorway, waiting

for me, like i was someone worth waiting for

for no reason other than hello kisses

and whispered 'i love you's and reasons 

to breathe out and in, the sun and the seasons

and the way your eyes get all red in the morning

(when you're half-awake and yawning). 

i wasn't sure, 

so i drove to your house, to feel 

how very real you are

and how very real it would be to lose you

if i lost me
~+~+~+~+~