like a medium, G calls when i need her, i talk through nights spent hunched over letters like hamilton looking up and realising i've vomited another song, another feeling, another realisation
patiently kindly my friends wait for me to ask for their help, they talk amongst themselves, word spreads without me telling
throw all my medicine out, close the drawer on everyone who loved me at least once,
lock us up in my room, write it out, hide, awake all night
"all the moments i play in the dark"
playing as i peek out, a zombie, ghoulish hands flick through perfect fabric in the rags i've been wearing for three days without showering
lift my shirt in the mirror, see my ribs for the first time in a year, woozy addiction a funny memory
drag myself to a treadmill, everyone can tell, angry ruby skin around my eyes screaming
my boss tells me to bathe in bleach
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