Two headlights out. Must get it fixed on Monday.
when i was 18, truly insane, cupping boy's faces in my hands and smoking with my best friend behind the shed at parties. and when i came home from those parties i would collapse on the floor of my bedroom in a snow angel, put on lemonworld by the national, imagining the movie of my life, and wallow, and cry, and convince myself i was drunker and more lost than i was,
Emails to send, to time perfectly, to word just right. An email can change everything.
when i was 20, still insane, finding my feet. country school did something to me that i can't place and it won't ever leave. i feel like there's a joke i'm not in on, a chord i don't know, i can't find the bathroom in the house party and when i do it doesn't lock so i have to reach out and hold it shut. send myself to india as a baptism. i see outside myself i see for the first time. i see outside myself i see for the first time. pictures of h and i reclining on the double bed when i see them i gasp - i arrived and left so delicate and alive
Being an artist is being the CEO of your own business. Treat it like that.
when i was 22, alone, at uni, finding my feet, fighting a battle every day, the one with a fleshy you and a glassy you looking back doing everything the same. looking back then and thinking i was young, looking back now and thinking i was young, looking back in ten years time and thinking you still don't get it, you still don't get it, you still don't get it, you still don't get it
and A had a milk bottle as a drink bottle and i still, i still, i still, i feel D when i see it. i am older than he ever was, i will be
learning to take criticism and use it and know when to leave it
learning to be strong - you don't get to fuck with me (a lot of men think they know)
learning to be alone learning to wake up on opposite sides of the planet learning it's a lesson
learning to remember everything
learning to cherish
learning to love and be loved
learning to try and try and try 10000 times it won't work
learning you chose right
No comments:
Post a Comment