Work for days on feeling normal, and it unravels at the most inconvenient times - sitting on a bike at the gym on a Sunday morning reading Twilight (I'm sad!! Leave me alone) and Outside by Catfish and the Bottlemen comes on the stereo - I can't get away, I can't get my headphones on fast enough,
I'm in the car by myself to the country with this song and my voice and the sun and my heart bursting, things are perfect, I feel beautiful, I feel alive
and as though I've been slapped across the face angry tears land on the page in front of me, and I'm exhausted, trying to ride through a pool of molasses to tire everything in me that makes it so hard to sleep at night.
we let them knock like crazy 'cause i'd not seen her in months
Never in my life have I not been able to eat because of how I was feeling - until now!!! There was a time when I would pray for that; watch my friends ignore their meals when going through hard times and I would be so jealous of them, because all I ever usually want to do is eat when I'm going through it myself. I used to leave food on my plate on purpose when I was upset because that was the 'normal' thing to do - hoping someone would notice I wasn't eating it and be impressed, like I was impressed. And now here I am, weak and depressed, lifeless, nauseous - manic with anxiety and adrenaline that keeps me going + awake through the night, but running on nothing. I can't believe this is a life I would have happily chosen only a couple of years ago.
i used to carry you through town, you used to smother me in lippy
now if we ever get an hour together
I understand now
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