Something strange is happening

Imma little blondie now. Emptied a couple of packets of bleach onto my head and hoped for the best you know...

It took me a couple of days before I stopped double-taking at my reflection - this is the first time I've gone and dyed my whole head at once and it was terrifying but exhilarating at the same time...

My friend Emily said something so relevant last night that it was truly magical. We were talking about spur-of-the-moment ~transformations and she said something like 'Yeah...I always have to stop and really try to convince myself that I can't fix what's wrong with me by getting another piercing or doing something crazy with my hair...because you see it in the mirror and it's this temporary rush, and after just a little while you're back where you were again.' She's so spot on about that, I swear, the amount of times I thought to myself about how awful I was feeling then amazingly suddenly wanting a nose ring, for example, or an extra couple of piercings on my ear, or a tattoo...the feeling of sadness or anxiety somehow coincides with the feeling of recklessness. A dangerous cocktail.

But you know, I've always wanted to go blonde, ever since I feel in love with Gwen Stefani and that video for 'Cool' where she looks amazing both brunette and blonde. (Holy shit have you listened to Love Angel Music Baby? A+++ album what are you kidding me.) I'm really glad I did it, even if I keep it for just a little while, because I've wanted to do it for so long and always chickened out at the last second. I was looking at myself in the mirror piling on the bleach and I was reminded of Lady Gaga in her video for 'Marry the Night' and had this great rush of youth and freedom and creativity even though there's really nothing that magical about turning your hair the slightly unwell colour of bleached golden-yellow.

COOL BY GWEN STEFANI

MARRY THE NIGHT BY LADY GAGA

While I'm thinking about music I just want to say something quickly about Kanye West. I think he's amazing, I've always thought it, so I'm not sure if I'm just biased when I say Yeezus is a really clever album - but I feel like 'clever' and 'good' are two different things, you know. I mean I think it's good, I don't think it's great, I think it's interesting, I don't think it's revolutionary, I think it's bold but I don't think it's career-defining (My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy takes that cake). You should give it a listen. I have a lot of complicated thoughts about the use of 'Strange Fruit' as a sample, in short it makes me pretty uncomfortable and I have suspicions about it being used to shock rather than for any real creative purpose but regardless - I keep harping on to anyone who will listen about his lyrics. I really think they're what keeps me listening, although his production ideas are generally truly wonderful. I think the lyrics are so contrite, so efficient, so earnest, so indignant, so fantastical, so sad...

five years we been over, ask me why i came over
one more hit and i can own ya, one more fuck and i can own ya

and hey, ayo, we made it, thanksgiving
so hey, maybe we can make it til christmas

she asked me what i wished for on the wishlist

have you ever asked your bitch for other bitches?

maybe we could still make it to the church steps

but first, you gonna remember how to forget

then she said she impregnated, that's the night your heart died

then you gotta go and tell your girl and report that

main reason 'cause your pastor said you can't abort that

now your driver say that new Benz you can't afford that

all that cocaine on the table you can't snort that

you could've been somebody

'stead you had to tell somebody

let's take it back to the first party 

when you tried your first molly

and came out of your body

running naked down the lobby

and you was screaming that you love me

before the limelight tore you

before the limelight stole you

remember we were so young

when i would hold you

before the glory 

i know there ain't shit wrong with me

something strange is happening.