How're you travelling?

I read a book when I was little and in the book the girl character had a guinea pig and it died and I can't remember the details because they were absurd (I think she put it in a freezer then had to thaw out the body? I don't...I mean, like yeah) but one thing did stick with me. Towards the end she built a small raft out of paddle pop sticks or something and sent the guinea pig's (thawed) body out onto a lake, then shot a flaming bow onto it so that it burnt and sunk into the water. I don't know, I always just liked that. 


I come from a family with two sisters and we are something to look at, at least in country towns - my big sister who is beautiful like Lolita and my little sister who is glamourous like Vogue magazine and me with scabby legs and feathers for eyelashes. I like churches and I like country towns because they are both predictable. Usually aesthetically questionable.  Always corny. Usually old school. Always friendly. You get it. 


I had to go to a funeral today and saying that I hate funerals is pretty much like saying I hate racism or throwing up or this. It's a given. 


Although thinking about it makes me feel as though it's not funerals that I hate, but probably just the fact that there's not really any such thing as a happy funeral or whatever. There's just so many washed-out faces, grimaces, awkward hugs that go for too long with people you hardly even know - and we can never really seem to say how we feel, condolences-wise. What can you say to a person who has just lost their parent? Especially if it was unexpected?


One thing that makes me uncomfortable is funeral companies. I hear them advertised on the oldies radio station Magic 1278 which my sister got me onto (for programs such as 'Elvis and Friends' and 'The Sinatra Lounge') and on morning television sometimes while I'm doing sit-ups like a new mother. I don't like them. I have been to only a few funerals in my life and mostly they were organised by funeral companies and that's fine, because being organised is impossible in grief. But - massive generalisation alert - they tend to not allow for the individual. Same songs. Same readings. Eulogies are of course different and unique and they are always a highlight of a service but God. I don't know. 


Just build me a raft of paddle pop sticks and burn me on a lake when I die, will you?