Watch the sky blue

There's a quote from Almost Famous that's been running through my head for a while now:

"If you ever get lonely, just go to the record store, and visit your friends."

I think there's either a huge difference, or a direct correlation, between believing that you're a big jerk, and actually being a big jerk. A difference, in that if you believe you're a big jerk then you're not really seeing yourself from an unbiased perspective, and maybe you're not at all jerky. A direct correlation, in that by believing yourself to be a big jerk your beliefs manifest themselves into a jerky version of you that eventually gets all mixed up into the normal version of you and you just become a really big jerk. I feel like I spend so much time trying to do the right thing, trying NOT to be a big jerk or whatever, I just think about it so much that everything turns into the reverse and by trying so hard to be good I just end up doing the wrong thing, most times. 

So today I actually went to the record store to visit my friends. They get it, they know what's up. They're the friends that understand what it's like to need something so badly, to love someone so completely, they're always around to reflect your misery and turn it into something tangible and real and impossibly close, and to remind you that you're never really alone.

I listened to some really hotchpotch songs today, as screenshot-ed above, while eating a muesli bar and reading silly little poems that I don't even understand and half-heartedly starting things that I don't ever think I'll finish and see-sawing between feelings and throwing a ball for my dog and thinking that at least I'm definitely not a jerk to him, as long as I don't throw his ball under the couch or forget to leave him the crusts off my toast.