I took these photos today and yesterday on two separate walks. If there's a way to walk fiercely then I suppose that's what I've been doing these past two days. Not thinking, not talking, not really looking where I'm going in regards to destination, just walking. Clump clump clump. I never usually walk; normally, I run as far and fast as I can, pounding that concrete till everything is just sweaty and panting and making the last kilometre or whatever. But today, I walk!
My hometown is much more beautiful than I tend to give it credit for in my teenage scorn and cynicism and seemingly unquenchable desire for freedom. It really is therapeutic to trample clumsily through the bush in the hilly back blocks around my home with my little dog, then slink back together through the streets of the housing estate down the road, listening to the dulcet tones of vacuum cleaners and chortling husbands and Deal Or No Deal and smell cooking chicken snitzel and freshly mown grass where no one cares who I am if I'm not the rubbish man or the pizza man or Dad getting home early from work in time for dinner.
I keep having dreams about situations where I should be dying, like jumping out of a plane or crashing a car, but I just keep living. I don't really want to think about it, just like I don't really want to talk about most things, just like mainly I want to sit at home and sleep, or watch Friends reruns and take notes about Phoebe's outfits and eat toasted sandwiches and throw balls for my dog.
But no! That's wrong. Gotta get up, gotta get out. So I'm just going to walk. Not run. Walk, for hours, if I have to. It's nothing huge but it's something better than apathy, that's for sure. And with such beautiful surrounds, and such lovely weather, it's certainly a waste if I don't!
I do that, i walk and walk just for the sake of the action, the journey. Not having a destination, but that means you can notice all the insignificant little things along the way that make life so beautifully tangible. It’s an easy of escaping into a world where there is no goal. It’s quite different from running that gets the aggression out, that’s what I do instead of curling into a ball in a corner of my room. I run to instead of shouting and screaming, because sometimes if i feel like shouting i fear many never stop. At least when you run, exhaustion kicks in and gives you some relief but i digress, I walk when I’m stressed, it gives a change from the goal directed feel of our lives. Especially if you’re in year 12 and it’s all about the end product, it’s all about what you’re going to achieve. Sometime you just need to enter into a world for the sake of it where nothing is an outcome; it’s for the sake of the little moments that you can encounter along the way, for the release of the pressure and the stress. It’s so you can find where you are under all the sacs and exams, friends and crazy hectic travels. It’s so you can find yourself stripped away from all the version s you have to be, it’s a way where you can detach yourself from all the things flying around in your head that threaten to engulf you if your pause for a second, because for me anyway, it’s a way, in this crazy world of our lives, where I can find some peace .
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