photo by giulia mcgauran
Hey hi, sorry, you know!
I have lots to say obviously, I haven't posted in a looooong time...but, of course, like I always seem to do, I've come back again. I'm cheating a little bit, because the following post is from my tumblr blog, but I thought it was long enough - lol - to transfer over.
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last week i wrote a song about me being the literal grandmother of the group and feeling sad about not being edgy or cool in any way and i like the bridge even though it’s not very innovative or anything:
i am always the mother
always the first to bend
first to be the least interesting and
i am always the mother
always the early riser
cleaning up the morning after
feels like something i woulda written in high school but just better in every single way lol. that’s how a lot of my new stuff has been feeling recently and it feels really nice because it was a time where i wouldn’t doubt myself because of ‘cool’ standards or trends or anything, i just wrote about really beautiful and honest things - not so much innocent but with a youthfulness that is really sweet and hopeful in some ways.
i was djing with a new dear friend, who loves pop music just as much as i do, and he was telling me again how he thinks the best lyrics are completely devestating in context but, disregarding all context presented within the rest of the lyric, contain just a little bit of sparkling hope - sometimes variations of these are really cool, i thought, like sparkling but sarcastic hope, or irony, or bitterness, or acceptance - the list goes on - but the main equation is devastation + minuscule hope…it’s a great formula. i’m glad he pointed it out to me, as did his beautiful partner when we were away at falls. i think that’s why i like ‘summer skin’ by death cab for cutie so much, or that fucking song at the end of ‘for emma, forever ago’ - ‘re. Stacks’ - which has the lyric at the very end:
your love will be
safe with me
just fuck me up…and while we’re talking about bon iver, also ‘beth/rest’ from ‘bon iver, bon iver’:
all the news at the door
such a revelry
well, it’s hocked inside of everything you said to me
it was found what we orphaned
didn’t mention it would serve us picked
said your love is known
i’m standing up on it
aren’t we married?!
i ainʼt living in the dark no more
it’s not a promise, i’m just gonna call it
heavy mitted love
our love is a star
sure some hazardry
for the light before and after most indefinitely
danger has been stole away
this is axiom.
…
FUCK!! ME!!!! UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
in case you had to look it up like me axiom means a statement or proposition that is established, self-evidently true - like, ‘supply equals demand’. i love the word, once when i was young n dumb i very nearly got that line tattooed on me, but chickened out. maybe now i’m a bit less young but still pretty dumb i will reconsider. and every time i try to share bon iver with people their reaction is never as wild as i want it to be, as mine is - i bet i’ve done this in reverse to so many people who have shown me music before, it’s only natural, but it sucks! i am so crazy, crazy, crazy in love with bon iver and now i think it partly makes sense because of the devo/hopeful lyric theory.
the universe is trying to tell me something, gifting me a flurry of creativity before i have to work properly again, new songs every day - i often wonder which one, if any, will be the one, or if i’m yet to think of it at all. makes me shudder to think of the times when i have to fight to be creative, wonder why i would even choose this path in the first place - and then i remember that it wasn’t a choice anyway and i always write a billion more songs when the time is right.
falling back in. i have a list of songs i will listen to when the time is right because when those special things happen i’ve always had that magic by my side, and it’s nice to curate and control little things like that to look forward to. hearing myself on the radio, properly this time. going back to america, going on tour, sleepy-eyed in a bus somewhere across the country and remembering that this was exactly what i wanted
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