Freak magnet

I'm both dreading the end of this week (and of this current manic period) and intensely revelling in the fact that very soon I won't be teaching at all for a couple of weeks, and only focusing on my music PR job. At the start of next term I'm only going to be teaching one official night a week, plus a little on the side at home. I'm really happy about that, even if I am a little worried about money. For some reason I am constantly worried about money and I don't know why, because I have more of it now than I've ever had before. I have enough to live comfortably and buy the things that I need and want, plus I have a little savings piling up too. Money has always been a bit of a thing for me; I'm definitely not a tight person - and stingy-ness is one of my least favourite qualities a person can possess - but ever since I was a little girl I've felt guilty about spending money. I very vividly remember one time when my Dad bought me a hot chocolate or something and I tried to pay him back and he had to explain the concept of 'shouting' someone something to me. I don't know. 

I drafted another blog post not long ago but never published it because it was literally a repetition of all my complaints (too busy, kind of sad and happy at the same time) and I'm really paranoid about repeating myself too much - although I suppose since it's MY blog I can do whatever I like...so: I am much too busy and kind of sad and happy at the same time. Mostly happy, and I like feeling the spectrum anyway - when I had tablets, I kind of didn't get to feel so extreme either way, which is good in some ways and not so much in others. I think (actually, I'm pretty sure that I know) that my teaching jobs kind of get me a little down sometimes. I love teaching students who want to learn, it fills me with joy and satisfaction and I am lucky in that most of my students are enthusiastic and clever and sweet. But I do have a couple that don't want to be at the lesson, and even a couple who misbehave, and I know that this comes with the territory but it still makes me really depressed for some reason. It's like, you don't want to be here, kid, so I don't want to be here, and I'm going to nag and you're never going to practice and I'll get frustrated as you don't improve and you'll act up and we'll both just feel bitter towards one another. Parents; if your kids tell you, through words or actions, that they don't want to do something, please don't force them to do it. Music is not something that should ever be forced, and when it is it is depressing and useless and I don't want to be a part of it. 

I have a feeling in my gut that's telling me that something's going to happen soon. I'm not sure what it means, or exactly what it is, but if you have dreams about me within the next few weeks be sure to let me know because your intuition might be better than mine.