To my friend - here's what I really wanted to say (but never got the time)

2/7/15

Firstly, I like that you know, and that some others know, honest things about me. I like that I know honest things about you. 

I have always assumed that there were some people in the world who are just made of sunshine and never experience anything but. I used to call them, manic, as I saw them, grabbing L by the elbow and stage whispering: 'A sunshine person!' It usually makes me cry, discovering a sunshine person. So many of them live in my dreams that finding one in real life is like something completely ethereal. There's nothing like them in the world - a person so sweet, so kind, so likeable and charming and interesting and hilarious and fun - that I feel like my own rotted insides are regenerating just from the energy they expel. They have nothing dark or sad in them, or even surrounding them. Completely whole, completely made of light.

I'm pretty sure I called you out on being made of sunshine one night, as you drunkenly danced barefoot on the frozen kitchen tiles. 'A sunshine person,' I said, mostly to myself, wide eyed and arms outstretched. 'I've found a sunshine person!'

But you know, I had to stop calling the sunshine people out, I had to stop telling other moon people about them. Because, in my experience, calling the sunshine people out also outs their un-sunshininess parts, right? Sooner or later after I would proclaim that I had discovered another sunshine person, I would learn some fact, some background information that I wasn't aware of before that refracted their light. 

This does not make them BAD, and it often makes me love them even more than I already did - because all of a sudden they're made of sun and moon, like the rest of us. Not being a whole sunshine person is not a bad thing. And anyway, absolute undiluted sunshine does not a complete person make. The best people, in my experience, are the ones with a whole bunch of sun, and just a little bit of moon thrown in for good measure. 

So you're not entirely made of sunshine, like I first thought under first impressions and a lot of goon and orange juice. This time I wasn't surprised, because the trend of the turning  sunshine people was beginning to show me that there is not one person in the world who is made of only sunshine. I kind of just sighed - the universe has been pretty nice to be recently, and this was just a small blow I suppose - and I smiled, because I immediately wanted to share and discuss and learn from you and about you. So I guess therein lies the benefit of sun and moon. 

I like telling regular people about the sunshine people. They are the people that we can always strive to be more like, even if they aren't entirely real. Some of us do have a higher percentage of sunshine inside of us, and for us regular, melancholy folk, a little more sunshine is bound to do us good.