So good at being in trouble

i literally have no interest in being a spectator. i am going to be on the stage and not in front of it, reining myself in from panic attack sandwiched between some girl's butt and the pulsing whitehead on the back in front of me. i am not interested in watching but in doing; not in standing but in running and if i have to sit in waiting rooms waiting to get my head straight prepared for the jump then so be it because i refuse to fall down again or at least i promise i'll get back up if i do. focus, focus. start early at the cafe and work honest and hard because one day you'll miss the steam straight outta the dishwasher and daydreaming about dry ice and electric pianos while you scrape breakfast into the bin giggling with your workmate who's looking forward to turning 18. tell her she doesn't know what she's in for but man alive she's gonna love it.