This time next week, I will be getting off a plane in Los Angeles, rubbing my lil eyes and thanking my lucky stars for the series of fortunate circumstances that is my life.
"Je suis perdu...mais je vais me retrouver."
In a session with my psychologist the other day ***(I am fine this is v normal I feel good thanks:))*** I was saying how I have been feeling more comfortable in my own skin recently. I ran 10km in an hour this week, and I know that's not very fast or anything but I feel very proud of myself and proud of the fact that I worked *hard* for that distance and that time. For once, I was not running away from ~fat but running towards !healthy! and !achievement! and it felt really, really good.
I struggle a lot with the difference between feeling and fact. I often catch myself thinking, or even worse, saying, 'I feel fat' or 'I feel like a failure' or something to that effect. It is very hard, when a feeling very strong, to differentiate between what is real and true, and what is just felt. It's hard to explain but I feel like I hardly need to, because all of us, at least once, have believed something we have only ever felt.
Anyway, I have been feeling (ha) pretty good. I think I will have to get used to the feeling of being out of control of my life, because no matter how hard I work nothing ever seems to go exactly as I expect that it will. I suppose that's the fun of it.
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