Here is a picture of what I felt like doing for the majority of today taken when I finally got to do it - to curl up into the little ball and rest my nose between my knees and be tiny and insignificant in my bedroom. Today I was 'officially' enrolled into uni and I am so excited and so scared and so happy and so overwhelmed I feel like my bones are scratching at the surface of my skin!!!!
I'm proud to have gotten into the course that I did because it validates what I do musically and artistically and makes me feel as though I'm not completely delusional or crazy and maybe that I could maybe spend my life doing this. I am also proud because I set my sights on it early last year and worked hard and cried and worried and got there in the end. Also my big sister has studied at the same uni and she has been incredibly successful and she's really cool and gives me hope that one day, perhaps, I will have the potential to be as cool/as good an artist/whatever. It was wonderful meeting a few of the other people who will also be doing the same course because I could see the nerves moving under their skin like mine with our frantic note taking and fumbling through booklets and trying to read brochures and listen avidly to lecturers and look totally breezy all at the same time!
I'm used to doing things alone but this is really something else.
Students of all ages are enrolled in this course and I feel like a child who has by some stroke of ridiculous luck been allowed to join in on this grown up thing and my life has been short and sheltered and I don't even know it's like I'm suddenly sitting at the adult table looking longingly at the kid's table as they eat chicken nuggets and drink cordial from plastic cups and my feet are swinging inches from the floor as I sit in a chair that's too big and the adults are all drinking red wine and talking about politics and I try to understand but all I do is just sit there swinging my legs and poking my minimalistic entree food with my little entree fork like a monumental dope.
AhhhHHH!!!
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